you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
