we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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