Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
