Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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