Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sorry about my life...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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