i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
