What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
