We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize