I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
