Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
