nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
