The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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