I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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