i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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