i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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