im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
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I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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