Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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