Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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