Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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