So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
