it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
