Do vagina's smell?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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