How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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