I just cut my nipple shaving
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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