The maid of honor just puked.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
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