My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
