i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
