In the future we'll all be gay
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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