You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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