I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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