I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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