wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
