forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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