i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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