Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
