Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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