I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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