it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
