Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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