My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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