saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
