alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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