It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
