The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My liver is preforming stress tests.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
