May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
