so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize