WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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