Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Couch. On fire.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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