i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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