I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
