How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
