So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
