your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
