Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
