yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
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Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
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Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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