I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
