in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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