my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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