sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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