U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
