VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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