just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
