just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
