At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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