dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
