I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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