My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
