How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Randomize
