somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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