The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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