party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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