the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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