I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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