hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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