Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
