I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
