I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
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there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
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I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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