running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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