On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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