Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
