Can i not drive my cunt home
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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